AP reports on Arena shocker!!!

Today, the AP shocked soccer fans across America--and, indeed, throughout the world--with the shattering revelation that Bruce feels the US will be ready to compete in the World Cup. After months of expecting a wholly unprepared team to take the field in Germany, this unexpected reversal has set the US Soccer community on its ear.

"What the hell is this all about?" asked a justifiably angry Jed Thickett, longtime MNT supporter from Davis, Kentucky. "I bought my goddamn tickets to the World Cup months ago, and have shelled out thousands of dollars in plane tickets and other expenses, all in the expectation that the Nats would be woefully un-ready for the World Cup, and now at this late date Bruce announces that the team will be 'prepared' instead? Unacceptable."

Hardly alone in his ire, Thickett's response is understandable. Virtually all US fans who purchased tickets for the World Cup did so only for three games, assuming that a not-ready team would take the pitch and get swept aside in the preliminary round. Countless others bought no tickets at all, reasonably assuming that--given Arena's terrible track record--the MNT would be entirely unprepared for the world's biggest sporting event, rendering attendance inadvisable for US fans.

Players, too, were dismayed at Arena's shock revelation. "Bruce wants us to be 'ready' for the World Cup?" asked an incredulous Brian Ching. "Well, if I'd known that I might have tried to score against Germany or Jamaica. Now what am I supposed to do?" Josh Wolff attempted to make a similar comment but injured himself in the process and had to be stretchered out of the room before finishing his remarks. Defenders, too, were left shaking their heads. "Man, did I have it backwards," lamented a chastened Gregg Berhalter. "If I'd thought that Bruce planned to have a team ready for the World Cup I might have thought twice about gifting Germany three chances in ten minutes in that friendly. I did not see this coming."

The media has often been accused of manufacturing stories to fill up dead time during duller moments of the run-up to the World Cup. But with this story, the AP has put the lie to this bad rap. More soon as the repercussions of this shocker continue to be felt around the nation.